Pumpkins I gone and done.

Why Ian Beale looks like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.

Ian Beale in Eastenders

Tom Hanks in Cast Away

 My attempt at explaining Ian Beale's recent change in appearance:

"Ian Beale was a humble man with an equally humble profession in the fast food industry.
His life was turned upside down when he changed his line of work and became a courier.

All was good, he was comfortable and didn't smell of chip fat any more.
This was until his Fed-Ex cargo plane plummeted into the sea and he began to smell of jet fuel, seaweed and despair.

He sheltered himself from the elements in a cave and had to socialise with a blood stained volleyball and eat crabs.

He lay awake all night reminiscing of his 'restaurant' days and the simple yet rewarding times they provided for him and his (now distant) family.
His sorrow gradually turned into hope and ambition.
He concocted elaborate plans for his return which he plastered onto the cave wall with his own excrement.
Some of these plans involved time travel. Others, teleportation - A futuristic idea he had seen on some film with Geoff Goldblum in it.
None of these plans worked as he only had stones, coconuts, crab shells, palm leaves and sand to work with.
After wasting 9 months of his solitary existence, working on the 'Flux Pod' he resorted to making a raft from twigs.

He eventually drifted back to the land of TV soaps to sell chips again.

Everyone thought he had died in the crash and were openly disappointed to find he had survived.
They shouted, "Go back to being dead, Ian!!" and mocked his chip shop. They taunted him and compared the taste and texture of his chips to those you get from the Chinese.

Once again Ian found himself full of grief and vulnerability.
Now he longed for a quiet, uninhabited place with no disdain or mockery.

He knew he couldn't go back to the island because of the lease on the chip shop and the years of back payments he owed on his child support.
He also knew he couldn't bear to stay in the soaps.

One day the producer came in to ensure Ian knew his lines and found him face down in a bubbling deep fat fryer.

He had left a note on the pile of paper he used to loving wrap the pea mixes in.

It read, "I'm sorry Wilson."

FIN.

Birthday Parrott

(Click the picture, right click and view image to enlarge it.)

After seeing Paz's reaction to the porno poster I made for Joss, it seemed rude not to do one for his birthday too.
Joss and I spent about 4 hours playing around with this.

Other potential titles were:
- Schindler's Fist
- Chocolate Starfish Troopers
- Pulp Friction

The Parrott

A little something to make John chuckle.

One Page Profile

Everyone at work has to fill a profile page in for their file or something.
Here's mine...I'm not sure if I'll have to do it again or not.


Click on the picture, then right click on it when it comes up, select view image and magnify it.

Six Inch.

My friend Paul quite often answers questions with "6 inch - It's a sausage".
I dunno why.

Did this for him:

Juice.

It was my good friend Joss' birthday last week. I am poor at the moment so I made him a poster on Photoshop instead of buying a gift. I'm gonna get it printed up big and framed when I have some money again.


(Click to enlarge)

Dunno what his Mum will say...

The house that Rob and Amanda built.

A woman Amanda works with has some newly hatched chicks.

We decided to claim some and then realised that we didn't have anywhere to keep them.
We looked on the internet to see how much they are and then decided to just make one.
The whole thing cost around 35 quid and a few man hours.

The side opens for easy cleaning.

Finishing touches to the paint job.

Job Done.

---------------

And here's who's going to live in it...



The Ladies: Ralf, Trevor, Bernard Matthew and The Colonel.

Your name in print...

A few months ago, my friend, John asked if I could restore this picture for his Grandad:

I managed to get it to look like this:

Then, a couple of weeks ago I found this article in the local paper:

So I sent a letter to the paper, explaining how I had restored a different copy of the same picture for a friend...Two weeks later and it's in the bloody paper!!

Seeing this made my day!

Gunny.

A little something for my good friend Bryan.

Bry enjoys giving mini lectures to groups of friends.

His faithful, plastic, antique pistol, 'Gunny' is used for crowd control...as a last resort.

Graveyard shift.

Lovely Folk.

Cleaning Kipper.

Jezza Kay.

My younger brother REALLY enjoys the Jeremy Kyle show.

I tried explaining to him that the show was dependent on exploitation for it's success.

I also tried to explain that he was partly responsible for this success by continuing to tune in to it.

I tried to explain that the 'guests' on the show were often struggling with addiction (alcohol, drugs, food etc).

I tried to explain that the 'guests' on the show were often victims of domestic violence.

I tried to explain that the 'guests' on the show were often recovering from or still encountering abuse (sexual, physical, psychological).

I tried to explain that the 'guests' on the show were often living with a disfigurement.

I tried to explain that the 'guests' on the show were often desperately trying to find out who the father of their child/children is.

I tried to explain that these factors more than likely, caused increasing difficulties in the 'guests' day to day lives.

I then tried to explain that it was perverse and maybe slightly sadistic to derive pleasure at the 'guests' expense.

I tried to explain that the likelihood of any of the problems illustrated on the show being resolved as a result of starring on the show were very slim.

Then I really tried to explain that Jeremy Kyle was a complete waste of skin and organs and that anyone who enjoys watching his poor excuse of a show is an idiot!!!

I tried.

In vain.

"So?......................It's funny." was all he said as he continued to eat his sugar puffs.

For Neen.

Something like this?

Monsal Head - 12 Miler.

I had a day off today so decided to go wandering.
It only took 7 hours.

Myxomatosis reached the UK in 1953, being illegally imported onto an estate in West Sussex. Some in the UK deliberately spread the disease, placing sick rabbits in burrows, while many others deplored the cruelty and suffering. The government refused to legislate to make deliberate spread of the disease illegal. By 1955, about 95% of rabbits in the UK were dead. Rabbits suffering in the last stages of the disease, commonly called "mixy" or "myxie" rabbits, are still a common sight in the UK.

Scarlet Elf Cap

Disused Magpie Mine.